I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
