He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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