I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
