Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
People in love make me want to vomit
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
