I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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