I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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