i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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