I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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