I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
