he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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