I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
