All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
