Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
