his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
