Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
