Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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