There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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