He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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