The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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