yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
