You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
