Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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