I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
operation harelip BJ is a go
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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