I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't put those talents on a resume
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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