I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
