she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
