I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
