someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
