It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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