so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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