the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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