I don't usually arrange sex via text message
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
