Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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