dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
