I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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