I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
