I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
