Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
