So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
