why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
