i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
