What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i came on her dog
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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