I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
