I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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