i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
