I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
