I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
