I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
