this just has baby written all over it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
