i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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