but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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