Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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