I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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